


don't let me go

by radicallyred



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Abandonment Issues, And probably some xanax, Emotional Baggage, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Men Crying, Mentions of Anxiety, Panic Attacks, Post-Serum Steve Rogers, Steve Rogers Needs a Hug, There's fluff if you squint and turn your head a little, Tony Stark Has A Heart, emotional!Steve, i feel like im forgetting something, mentions of panic, yell at me if I am
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-24
Updated: 2018-07-24
Packaged: 2019-06-15 11:09:50
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,434
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15411597
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/radicallyred/pseuds/radicallyred
Summary: There are things Tony expects to see upon walking into the space he shares with Steve. Usually, it’s a pair or two of shoes, a package and Steve’s jacket and bag hanging on its rightful hook. If he wandered into the kitchen, he would see a clean, dishless sink, sometimes Steve would be in front of the stove cooking or making tea. A stack of dirty dishes, a broken glass still on the floor and clothes all over, are not one of those things.





	don't let me go

There are things Tony expects to see upon walking into the space he shares with Steve. Usually, it’s a pair or two of shoes, a package and Steve’s jacket and bag hanging on its rightful hook. If he wandered into the kitchen, he would see a clean, dishless sink, sometimes Steve would be in front of the stove cooking or making tea. 

A stack of dirty dishes, a broken glass still on the floor and clothes all over, are not on that list of things. 

The doors to the elevator open to the shared space and Tony’s breath leaves his body, feeling palpable tension immediately. Steve’s boots, usually neatly unlaced by the door, are on opposite sides of the room. His jacket is on the floor and his bag is spilled open all over, its contents pooling around the leather bag Tony got him for their anniversary. Tony’s blood was running cold, terrified that something happened to Steve. 

“Jarvis,” He calls shrugging out of his jacket as quickly as possible. “Where is Steve?” 

“He is in your shared bedroom, sir.” Tony takes the stairs two at a time. “He appears to be emotionally disturbed.” _Fuck._

Tony swallows thickly and races up the stairs. He steels himself to be gentle, knowing anything else will just wind Steve up even further. Opening the door as softly as he can, Tony’s breath hitches when he sees his boyfriend in a heap on the bed, sobs filling the room. 

“Oh, baby.” Tony sighs, his heart shattering upon hearing sobs coming from Steve. He sits on the bed and touches Steve’s shoulder softly. Steve rolls over slowly, body shaking. 

“Tony.” Steve hiccups, turning to look at Tony pleadingly. His cheeks are bright pink on his otherwise pale face, his blue eyes puffy and red from crying. His breathing is uneven, like he can’t catch it and keeps getting the wind knocked out of him. Tony’s heart lurches as he gather’s Steve into his arms, pressing his lips against any inch of skin he can. 

“I’m right here, sweetheart. Right here.” Tony rubs his back soothingly and lets Steve bury his face into his suit pants. He’s crying so hard Tony thinks he may throw up, but he lets him get it all out, knows that he will likely feel better once he does. 

“I can’t... I can’t breathe. Tony. _Tony._ ” Tony sits him up so he’s sitting, feet on the floor, head between his knees. Tony coaches him, murmuring quiet instructions, running his hands over Steve’s back, across his arms, running his fingers through his hair. Steve’s breath evens out and he looks at Tony pathetically. He breathes deeply through his nose, out through his mouth, still trembling all the way through. He sags helplessly into Tony’s lap and Tony just lets him, rubbing his back soothingly until Steve sniffles. He sits up slowly and keeps his eyes cast down; he can’t bear to look at Tony. He’s far too embarrassed, too ashamed, too humiliated. 

“How are you doing?” Tony asks quietly, not wanting to disrupt Steve’s recovery. Steve swallows, rubs his hands over his face. 

“I’m, I mean, not great? Okay, I guess. Christ, Tone, I don’t know--” The end of his sentence is cut off by a whine, his tears starting to swell again. Tony has his hands on Steve’s face and his stroking his cheeks soothingly. He’s got some stubble from the lack of shaving over a few days, and Tony’s stomach drops when he realizes that he must have been feeling off if he hasn’t been shaving. 

“Shh, it’s okay.” Tony says nuzzling their faces together, intertwining their fingers in his lap. “I’m right here. I’m not going anywhere, big guy. Do you wanna talk about it?” Tony asks dropping a soft kiss to Steve’s nose. Steve nods, but keeps his face pressed into the junction between Tony’s neck and shoulder, lips against his collarbone. 

“I’ve been feeling...depressed?, I guess, lately. And I just… I had a bad day. A very bad day, and...and…” Tony hushes him and presses a chaste kiss to his cheek. 

“We don’t have to talk about this if you don’t want to, honey.” Tony says apologetically. Steve shakes his head, dragging his hands over his face. 

“No, I want to. Have to.” Steve says wringing his hands together. “I just...I don’t want you to make fun of me.” He says abashed. Tony’s heart is thudding, dropping into his belly. 

“I want you to feel like you can tell me anything, Steve. Because you can. I won’t judge you. Hell, I’m in no room to. I have a fucked up past, I am in no position to treat you poorly because of that.” Steve’s heart warmed at the tone of Tony’s words. Something so heavy would typically be delivered playfully to mask the vulnerability. Not tonight, though. He could see how vulnerable he was, not lying or downplaying his own insecurities to make Steve feel better. _This_ was the Tony he fell in love with. Not the Tony who cracks jokes at any given chance or argues like it was what he was born to do. But the Tony who was so sincere, so honest that it made Steve dizzy. The Tony who cries openly in front of him because, sometimes, his mind is too loud. This is the Tony he was terrified to send into battle because one wrong move could take him away. Steadying himself for a moment, Steve looks into Tony’s brown eyes and says over a lump in his throat,

“I think I have abandonment issues.” Tony blinks, his hand squeezing Steve’s so gently as if to say, _Go on. I’ve got you._ “I mean, my whole past was just...ripped from me and everyone I ever knew, ever loved was gone. I sometimes feel like it could happen again, at any moment, especially with our situation, y’know, the hero thing.” Steve swallows thickly, wills his tears to go away. “So. I felt really alone today, like no one made time for me or wanted to be around me. A different kind of loneliness, sure, but it’s the same concept. I kept telling myself to wait to fall apart until I got home. Until I got to you. But when I got home, Jarvis said I was alone and I just...I couldn’t get here fast enough. I wanted you, thought you were here, and you...you weren’t. I needed you, and when you weren’t here I just...panicked.” Steve shudders. “I was selfish, and feel like I failed you and myself. I should be better, stronger than this.” His voice is an octave lower, as if he is ashamed to admit it. 

“I’m so sorry.” Tony murmurs against his skin. “It isn’t selfish at all, baby. You’re allowed to want, and be disappointed and sad and whatever emotions you want to feel. Super-soldier or not, you’re human and this,” Tony waves a hand loosely through the air. “... feelings shit is part of it.” Steve shrugs, casting his line of sight to their joined hands. “You are no less of a man for crying. Times are different. It’s legal for men to cry now. You believe me, don’t you? You’ve seen it firsthand.” Steve snorts, rests his head on Tony’s shoulder. 

“You aren’t gonna leave me, right?” Tony’s heart, again, drops. He frowns, despite his best efforts not to in fear of upsetting Steve, and shakes his head. 

“You’re stuck with me, slugger.” Tony says pulling them down so they’re resting against the pillows. “For a very, very long time.” Steve is silent, doesn’t say a word, but nods his head in agreement. He closes his eyes and takes some deep breaths, lips pressed against the column of Tony’s throat. Tony just holds him, moves his hands soothingly in patterns he knows Steve likes. 

“I can’t live without you.” Steve whispers after a while, startling Tony. Tony relaxes again, tugs his man tighter to his chest and leans to kiss him properly.

“I love you.” Tony says reverently, as if it were a prayer. “I’m happy you’re here. I’m happy you’re safe. I’m happy you’re _mine._ ” Steve blinks up at Tony and, for the first time all day, he’s greeted with the blond’s radiant smile. 

“I love you, too, Tones. So much.” Tony smiles back and kisses him again, nothing too powerful. 

“Let’s go order some food and watch really shitty movies so we can make out.” Tony says helping Steve stand. Steve rolls his eyes. 

“Language.” He chides. Tony smiles. 

“That’s my boy.”


End file.
